The Blue Pill, the Red Pill… and the Life Most People Never Question

Lately, I’ve been noticing things more than ever. Not in a dramatic way, not in a “the world is falling apart” kind of way, but in a quieter, deeper way. I’m noticing people. I’m noticing myself. I’m noticing the invisible forces that shape all of us long before we ever get the chance to consciously choose. It’s like there’s this whole undercurrent running beneath daily life, and once you start seeing it, it becomes hard to ignore.

I think this is what happens when you begin to become the observer. That ability has been gifted to me over time, through years of unlearning, peeling back layers, questioning what I thought was normal, and slowly shifting into a way of being that feels more aligned.

Being the observer means you can watch your life unfold with a bit more space, without so much judgement or attachment, and in that space, you start seeing things more objectively. Because the truth is, most of the time we are so close to our own lives that we don’t even realise we’re living them on autopilot. And when you really sit with that, you start wondering… if I’m not fully conscious at the wheel, then who is driving?

Most People Don’t Know They’re in a Pattern

This is the part that matters.

Many people don’t even realise there are patterns of behaviour that don’t serve them because they’re simply doing what they’ve always done. It feels familiar, it feels safe, it feels like life. But so much of what we do is shaped by unconscious conditioning, by inherited expectations, by scripts that were handed to us so early we didn’t even know they could be questioned. We live inside these stories without realising they are stories.

That’s where the blue pill and red pill metaphor comes in. The blue pill is staying asleep inside the familiar narrative, continuing on because it’s what you know. The red pill is waking up, seeing with fresh eyes, and having that moment of realisation: wait… I didn’t actually choose this. And once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

The Life Script We All Know Too Well

For me, relationships have been one of my greatest teachers in this lifetime. Even as a young person, I remember sensing that something about the “usual way” didn’t quite fit. I had questions that other people didn’t seem to ask.

The idea of walking down an aisle in a white dress in a church never felt like some romantic dream to me, it felt strange. Why would I do that just because everyone else does?

Why would I sign a government contract to prove love? Why did people follow these scripts without pausing to ask what they actually meant?

This wasn’t judgement - I believe in love and partnership.

This was instead, a deep inner knowing that the way most people did things 'automatically' didn't apply to me. And I think there are many people who feel that too, but they override it because the script is strong, and the pull to belong is even stronger.

You see - we have such a familiar template for how life is supposed to go.

You go to school, you get the job, you buy the house, you settle down, you have children, you get the dog. Maybe a boat if you’re lucky, maybe a holiday house if you’re really lucky, maybe regular trips to the Islands if life works out well.

And somehow this becomes the definition of success. This becomes “normal.”

But who decided that? And what if it doesn’t fit your nervous system, your soul, your values? Most people never stop to ask. They just comply, because everyone else is doing it, and stepping outside of the template can feel like stepping outside of belonging itself.

Social Policy Changed My Life

In my early 30s, I returned to university for a second degree, and this time I studied social policy. Suddenly, everything made sense. Social policy is essentially the study of why societies are structured the way they are, who benefits, where norms come from, and what behaviour is being shaped and reinforced.

Once I started learning this, I realised that so much of what we consider “personal choices” are actually institutional designs. We are swimming in systems we didn’t create, living out expectations that were formed long before us. That understanding gave me permission to peel back the conditioning and to stop living life simply because it’s what the Joneses do. It helped me begin asking instead: what feels true for me?

Fear and Belonging: The Two Forces That Shape Us

If I had to name two of the greatest forces shaping human behaviour, it would be fear and groupthink.

Humans are wired for survival first, reasoning second. When fear is activated, we shift out of logic and into threat response. We seek safety over truth, we defer to authority, we comply faster, and we question less. Fear narrows perception, and obedience begins to feel like relief.

The uncomfortable truth is that people don’t need to be forced if they can be kept afraid. Fear-based messaging is everywhere, soaking through media, politics, workplaces, even families.

The second force is groupthink, the fear of being cast out.

Humans evolved in tribes, and exclusion once meant death. Even today, disagreement can feel dangerous in the nervous system. We conform, we stay quiet, we nod along publicly while questioning privately. Belonging often wins over truth. Groupthink doesn’t require censorship, it only requires ridicule, labels, and social pressure, that subtle message that “good people agree with this.”

When fear and groupthink combine, they bypass discernment completely. People don’t comply because they are weak, they comply because their biology is doing exactly what it was designed to do under threat and exclusion. Awareness is what restores choice. That’s where sovereignty lives.

The Hidden Influences We Inherit Without Even Realising

Once you start looking through this lens, you see it everywhere. The Industrial Revolution didn’t just create factories, it shaped mass schooling designed for predictable workers: bells, rows, sitting still, permission to speak. And we still carry that inheritance, deep down, believing we are lazy if we don’t want to live this way.

Post-war housing policy sold the mortgage as a social anchor. Home ownership became moral success, debt became adulthood, mobility became irresponsible, and people started believing they can’t afford to change their lives.

The 40-hour work week normalised exhaustion. Full-time work became the baseline for worth, burnout became personal failure, and we structured our lives around work then medicated the consequences.

And then there are the smaller examples that make me smile, like lawns.

Lawns didn’t start because they were practical. They started as a status symbol. Only the wealthy could afford land that didn’t produce food and the labour to keep it trimmed.

A lawn said, "I’m rich enough not to need this land to survive".

Now, generations later, most of us don’t even ask why we have them. We just mow them. What began as leisure for the rich has become another weekend obligation tied to “doing adulthood properly.” That’s how conditioning works.

Why This Matters More Than Ever

When I re-read this blog, I can see how negative it might sound in places, like everything is influence and everything is conditioning and everything is a system. But that’s not the takeaway at all.

The takeaway is that awareness creates choice.

Awareness gives us the ability to see through the silliness of what we’ve inherited and to step out of autopilot.

It allows us to create a life that feels authentic, not based on what our parents want, not based on what society expects, not based on what everyone else is doing, but based on what gives us real purpose and meaning. Because that’s what life is all about, isn’t it? Finding out who you are, experiencing that fully, and living with intention.

And when we do that, we’re not just freer, we’re also in a much better position to truly give, to show up, and to be there for others as well. And maybe that’s the biggest meaning of life in itself.

The Question That Changes Everything

So, I’ll leave you with one simple question, the kind of question that can quietly change the direction of a life:

Why am I doing this?

Is it because I truly want to, or because it’s familiar, expected, safe, what everyone else is doing, what I’m afraid not to do?

That one pause, that one moment of observation, is the beginning of waking up. That is the beginning of the red pill. And from there, you get to choose.

Much love,

Bec x