Why We Must Rethink Everything We've Been Told — Especially About Women

Rebecca Roe
Jul 21
6 min read

Why I do what I do

If you've been following me for a while, you'll know I cover a lot; health, wellness, culture, the systems that shape us, addiction, hormones, healing... all the juicy, complicated bits of being human. I weave together personal experience, societal structures, and what it means to break free from patterns that no longer serve us.

Why? Because I’ve lived it.

My journey started with addiction. Behaviours I repeated on loop even though they never served me. Not physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. Then one day, something shifted. A spiritual awakening? A nervous system recalibration? A brutally honest reckoning in the mirror? Honestly, probably all three.

That was the light-switch moment. And once it flicked on I couldn’t unsee what I’d seen. Even when I tried.

And so began the real work: awareness. Messy, confronting, lifelong awareness.

It’s this journey that fuels my passion for transformative thinking. Guiding individuals (especially women) and organisations to challenge the scripts we’ve inherited. To ask: What if there is another way?

Most of our limits are self-imposed; carved deep by conditioning and cultural wiring. The good news? That wiring can be rewired. Those beliefs can be unlearned.

Since that light came on, I’ve been on a mission. Learning, experimenting, unravelling mainstream narratives. I’ve taken courses, sat in workshops, explored different worldviews and, realised how much of what I once knew was shaped by systems designed without people like me in mind.

And the deeper I went, the clearer it became: these patterns – personal and societal, are inseparable. We can’t heal the individual without questioning the culture. We can’t change our behaviours without challenging the blueprint.

Change Starts with Awareness

So many of us live life on autopilot – shaped by trauma, social norms, outdated policies, and subtle (or not-so-subtle) messaging about who we’re supposed to be.

But once you spot a pattern? You can’t unsee it.

Maybe it’s realising that your high-paying job is slowly suffocating your soul. Or that the wine you call “self-care” is actually a nightly numbing ritual. Or maybe your body has been whispering or full-on shouting for attention, and you’ve been too busy to listen.

Transformative thinking invites curiosity over criticism. To ask:

Why do I feel this way?
Who taught me this belief?
Is this mine to carry?

Yes, it’s uncomfortable. Our brains don’t exactly love change. But paradoxically, that discomfort - that’s the doorway. Both neuroscience and psychotherapy agree; growth rarely happens without a little shake-up. The pain is the portal.

Not All Minds (or Bodies) Work the Same

We live in a world designed around the default male – the rational mind, the 9-to-5 workday, the hustle, the emotional suppression. But women are not small men. Our physical, emotional, and social experiences are vastly different.

And yet… the systems haven’t caught up.

Let’s unpack that:

HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) was largely tested on men. No, really. Imagine being prescribed a treatment not even tested on your physiology.
ADHD in women is routinely misdiagnosed or missed altogether – because it presents differently. Girls and women often internalise symptoms: overthinking, hyper-organisation, emotional dysregulation. Not the textbook “disruptive” behaviour that fits male-centric diagnostic models.
Addiction research is overwhelmingly male-centric too – despite midlife women becoming the fastest-growing demographic for alcohol dependence.
Historically, substance use was his problem. Ancient laws like the Code of Hammurabi or the Manusmriti criminalised women who used drugs or alcohol. A woman with a wine glass was seen as deviant – and that stigma still echoes today.

You see the pattern, right?

Women, Pain, and the Nervous System: A Bigger Picture

Let’s talk about pain. Real, chronic, "I’ve-been-to-six-specialists-and-still-no-answers" pain.

Women are disproportionately affected by conditions like endometriosis, fibromyalgia, thyroid dysfunction, and persistent back pain. And too often, we’re given a painkiller and told to get on with it.

But newer research and ancient practices like somatics show that pain often lives in the nervous system, not just the tissue. A 2021 neuroscience study found that even once an injury heals, the brain can continue to signal pain, especially if the nervous system is dysregulated from trauma or chronic stress.

Now add perimenopause into the mix. Hormones fluctuating like a dodgy WiFi signal, amplifying an already overwhelmed nervous system. Hello, anxiety, insomnia, and everything feeling just a bit too much.

But here's where it gets interesting.

In many Eastern cultures, menopause isn’t pathologised. It’s honoured. Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), for instance, doesn’t treat hormonal shifts as problems to be fixed. Instead, it sees symptoms as emotional-organ imbalances:

Liver → anger
Spleen → worry
Lungs → grief

Healing involves herbs, acupuncture, breath, movement – and reverence for the body.

Let that land: physiology and cultural storylines are inseparable.

When a culture tells you ageing is decay, hot flushes are shameful, and beauty = youth, your nervous system absorbs that narrative. But when ageing is seen as wise, powerful, and sacred – your body responds differently. That’s not woo-woo. That’s 'neuroscience meets culture'.

Selling Shame Disguised as Freedom

Let’s get honest about the conditioning we’ve been sold – especially as women.

For decades, we’ve been marketed a version of “freedom” that’s anything but. Think back to those old Virginia Slims ads: “You’ve come a long way, baby.” What they meant was: "Here’s a cigarette in a slimmer pack. Now hush and look liberated."

Or alcohol ads – glamorous women with perfect skin and tiny waists, sipping cocktails like it’s the key to self-love.

But beneath the sparkle? A not-so-subtle message: stay small, stay desirable, stay numb.

And it’s worked. The gender gap in substance use is vanishing. Teenage girls in the US now use substances more than boys. Adult women are catching up too. In the 1990s, alcohol use disorder was five times more common in men. Now, that gap is closing fast – in New Zealand, Australia, the US, and beyond.

Even more worrying? Women suffer greater harm at lower doses. Think liver disease, memory loss, mental health struggles, heart issues – and yes, breast cancer. According to the US Surgeon General’s 2025 advisory: There is no safe amount of alcohol for women.

Not in pregnancy. Not in midlife. Not as a “coping tool.”

That’s a truth bomb worth sitting with.

Addiction, Hormones & Trauma – It’s All Connected

Addiction is still too often framed as a moral failure. A lack of willpower. A “bad habit.”

But for many women, substance use is a response to a dysregulated nervous system.

They might be:

Living with unresolved trauma
Experiencing hormonal chaos (that culture intensifies)
Burning out from chronic stress or emotional pain
Numbing because that’s what they’ve been taught to do

And let’s not forget – a glass of wine has been rebranded as “self-care.” Cheeky, right?

For some, it’s not about partying, it’s about surviving. Managing autoimmune flares, painful cycles, toxic workplaces, or the emotional labour of caring for everyone else.

Ayurveda offers a radically different approach: addiction stems from disconnection and a lack of self-love. Healing starts with ritual, compassion, and restoring a sacred relationship with your body.

When you stop shaming yourself, your behaviour begins to shift. True story.

Healing Must Be Rooted in Wholeness

So, what does real healing look like?

Even mainstream psychiatry is starting to catch up – exploring somatic therapy, nervous system tools, and psychedelic-assisted therapy for trauma recovery.

Emerging studies on MDMA and psilocybin show powerful results for PTSD, anxiety, and treatment-resistant depression – especially when combined with trauma-informed care.

True healing involves:

Getting to the root – not just masking the symptoms
Reconnecting with your body, your cycle, your truth
Regulating your nervous system – through breathwork, cold exposure, movement, nature
Exploring trauma therapies like EMDR, somatics, or psychedelic-assisted work
Ditching shame and embracing compassion

You can’t change a behaviour if you don’t change the story behind it. You can’t heal inside systems that were never built with your needs in mind.